Countdown to Autumn Equinox 2014

9.22.14 10:29pm EDT

I cut my grass for the first time this season a couple days ago. Donned my cheap gardening hat, shades, white t-shirt, iPod, and fired up the lawn tractor after a six month break from the heat, humidity, and all the other inconveniences it brings with it.

As I rolled over my yard, spitting chopped up grass out the side of my 46″ mower deck, I reminisced. Although my iPod was blaring tunes into my ears, my mind wandered around memories of this past Fall and Winter seasons and reflected on all the good things. The cool, crisp air. Beautiful, vibrant colors. The sounds of leaves crunching under my feet as I walked over them. Football, college basketball, chili, Halloween, turkey, snow, cozy warm snuggles, good night sleeps, Santa’s big red ass, a New Year, my wedding anniversary and a trip to the mountains……….

All these things ran through my mind as I drove my mower around the house; dodging bumble bees, picking up garbage littered in my yard from asshole passers-by, watching neighbors obsess over their yards and fine-tune every flower, every blade of grass. Hearing the rednecks across the street attempting to enhance the perception of their manhood by constantly revving their lame crotch rockets instead of actually riding them. The stench of charcoal polluting the air. The poisonous fragrance of amaranth laced with it’s vindictive pollen, beating away and shitting all over the sanctity of my clean sinuses. Hearing the mass chirping of millions of birds all around me, like something straight out of an Alfred Hitchcock film and realizing I cannot escape. Yes, it’s back. Might as well face it and accept it. Summer has returned to the Ohio Valley and soon, with it will come that hazy misery I’ve gotten so accustomed to loathing with an undying passion.

Hence, it is with great pleasure I begin my annual countdown to the Autumn Equinox. Just like last year, at the time of publishing it seems like a light-year away. Another birthday will pass before we get there. But, it is such that I look upon 9/22 with a feeling of salvation. It will come. Until then, I will happily count down the days. Summer may be looming, but it’s days are already numbered. It is already dying, one second at a time.

Beat the heat! I think I hear Alaska calling. Maybe this is the year I’ll finally book that summer vacation.

Viva la Countdown!



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